


No Doggy Paddling

by Jeageractive



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: And half naked dudes, Cheers for club Quack, M/M, Need more little matchmakers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-12
Updated: 2014-10-23
Packaged: 2018-02-17 01:40:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 10,774
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2292236
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jeageractive/pseuds/Jeageractive
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi teaches swimming lessons like a military sergeant, and due to the fact that he can't be trusted around his students alone for two seconds, Eren is there to dive in when he tries to drown a kid.</p><p>Some want Eren, some want Levi, but Sasha just wants to see them over each other and <em>hell</em> if she wasn't going to see just that.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"Alright, listen up you insufficient water thrashers. Wikihow was obviously bullshitting you when it said I would take you by the hand and dip your toes in the water," Levi began as he casually paced the very edge of the pool, the timid brats bugging their eyes out as they waited for him to fall in or something.

Sasha clawed at Connie's arm with as much subtlety she could muster."Oh no, he's hot." She whispered, and Connie passed the message on just as horribly stealthy down the rest of the line.

"Hey, shorty over there." Levi boomed, and Connie froze."Get your ass back to the end of the line."

Connie blinked, then sputtered a laugh."I'm sorry, but you're calling _me_ short?"

That was obviously the wrong thing to say. The _wrongest_ thing to say.

Levi wordlessly grabbed him by the arm and hurled him to the side like he was weightless, and then a loud splash resonated around the room. Sasha peeked at the number on the tiles and bit her lip. Four point five. _Meters_. She screamed when the water's surface was still unmoving another second.

"Goddamit." Someone hissed in exasperation before divng into the pool in a blur, and in a second Connie was draped over the side in a panting mess.

"Back talk bothers me a bit." Levi said with a sigh."Especially if it's useless."

Another splash, and a brown head bobbed along the surface of the water. Connie's savior emerged with a pop and leaned his arms against the edge.

Levi motioned to him with a careless hand."My assistant, lifeguard, CPR person, whatever you want. He does all the dirty work."

Assistant with notable sexy arms flipped his wet bangs away from his face, pulling himself out of the water in one fluid and graceful motion and gave the group an almost flirtatious grin."Nice to meet you all. I'm Eren. Usually here because no one trusts him on his own, like you just saw."

Levi ignored that comment with an exaggerated roll of his eyes, ordering Connie on his feet. Mikasa was first to freak out this time. She poked Jean's side and shook Armin's arm."I'm drowning myself a few times a lesson from now on." She whispered excitedly, and Jean gave the guy a dirty glare. Just what he fucking needed.

"Now that that unpleasant tidbit was over, I'm going to need you all to show me your skills." He motioned to the far side of the pool."Six meter depth for starters. No biggie. No lifejackets, no doggy paddling. And trust me, if you doggy paddle." He smirked."I ain't gonna let Eren save you."

Armin visibly swallowed.

He might as well have welcomed them to the military.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think I just miss Barely Decent.


	2. Chapter 2

They all positioned themselves with different levels of horror on their faces, quivering in the water.

"First one to the other side gets a life jacket for the rest of the lesson. Ready?" Levi called as he stepped away from the edge, voice echoing in the atrium like building."And-"

"W-wait!" Someone stuttered, and Levi eyed the line of brats sharply. There was that one really, really tall dude that Levi completely unappreciated, sweating buckets in his damn pool as he stared at the raven with a panicked expression. He swallowed, looking about ready to hyperventilate. "Can I at least-get a...a noodle?"

Levi gave him a narrow eyed look."What the shit is a noodle?"

"Y-you know, those..." He pointed behind him, where a stack of multicolored swim noodles lay in a box.

"Oh." Levi glanced back."Want an oxygen tank with that too?"

Tall guy sank deeper into the water with a sheepish expression.

"Last time I saw someone use these was in a class full of four year olds. Now at least try to act like you have some balls and get this over with." He folded his arms over his chest."Now go."

Eren watched from his high post as they all struggled to stay afloat, and it would've been funny if he hadn't seen it happen a hundred times. 

Levi eyed them like a hawk."Hey." He barked at a small blond girl that clung to the edge like a life line."What do you think you're doing?"

She blinked her blue eyes, biting her lip timidly."I'm scared."She squeaked.

"Door's open." He barked harshly."You in or out?"

"Christa, darling!" Some girl called from halfway down the pool."Is he bothering you?"

"Mind your own business." The older snapped in annoyance at the the freckled brunette, before turning back to the problem at hand."Look. I'll give you thirty seconds. I don't want you here when I come back." He got up from his squat, and strolled around the edge with his hands behind his back.

"Baldy." Connie pretended he was doing some innovative swim move."Drop the doggy paddle."

"Up front!" Eren called, and Levi gave him a look.

"What?"

"Up front!"

"Don't boss me around." Levi sneered, before doing just that. A ravenette who used her arms and legs properly for once caught his eye. He watched her for a second."Natural, aren't you?"

She gave him a smug look and promptly ignored him.

Levi rolled his eyes."Put your head down."

"What?"

"You obviously know what you're doing. Do it under."

Her eyes darted around a little."I can't."

Levi bent down by the edge and shoved her head down without warning, and she shied away from his hold. Struggling to keep her head under water slowed her down a bit.

Minutes later, half of them were limp against the floor and the other half couldn't even get themselves out of the pool so they just hung on to the edge.

Eren looked half amused, half impressed. He was still sort of shiny from his previous rescue and frankly was the only thing that kept them going/drowning. Levi just stared at them like they didn't just cross a six meter deep pool when they honestly barely knew how to wade.

"I kind of want to get rid of you all right now." He finally grumbled, and Armin banged his forehead against the tiles."Eh. You're all in." 

They cheered, half assed."I lied. No one gets a life jacket." They stared at his back dumbly as he walked away.

"Hey, you all did great." Eren complimented with a grin."Congrats on making it out alive."

Armin stared at him from inside the pool with his cheek squished against his hand, mouth probably hanging open a little. He nearly sank back into the water when Eren offered him his hand.

"I knew I should've stayed in there." Mikasa whispered harshly when he pulled the blond out, Levi returning at that moment with a towel and tossing it at Eren. The brunet gave him a quizzical look.

"Don't stare at me like that, you look sweaty. Getting me cranky." He sighed, popping his shoulder muscles. This was  _too_  many hot guys at once, it was unfair."Alright, get lost, all of you. Lesson's over."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Get comfy with the fic for now, Ereri can wait ;) Jk it's coming up soon.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Assistant and teacher dorking around before the lesson.
> 
> Also, someone mentioned backstroke? Here you are.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah, I decided against making Annie and Mikasa kickass non feelers, and the absolute fangirls for a change. Rivalling fangirls.
> 
> *Giggles* this is too fun.

"Ow, guys! Leave me alone." Armin whined, ducking when Jean reached for his ear. 

"This was your fucking innovative idea, thanks a bunch." 

"Jesus almighty, that guy has _issues_." Connie grumbled, Mikasa not so subtly whispering 'and muscles'. Their trek back from the lesson was quite the hostile one.

"Can you believe it? Their vending machine is shit." Sasha hissed between clenched teeth."They have Doritos, Cheese puffs, Mini Crisps, but _potato chip_ s? Fuckers. Out of order."

"That's kind of not their fault?" Christa responded quietly.

"Hey, on the bright side," Mikasa began, and Annie decided to finish.

"There's mister lifeguard."

"He's hot." Mikasa said, biting her bottom lip.

" _Too_ hot." Annie sighed."I took pictures." Mikasa was by her side in a second. 

Jean rolled his eyes, giving Bertholdt a consoling pat on the shoulder."There goes our girls."

He set his eyes downwards."There they go." he whispered forlornly.

"It's only a month." Armin reasoned."None of you are allowed to back out, remember? All fit or none."

"Yay." Connie drawled sarcastically.

-

"What are we doing again?" Armin whispered harshly when someone used his head as leverage to poke his head up.

"Getting to know our trainers a tad bit better." Mikasa smirked, fingers curled around the edge of the wall she was leaning on, standing on her tiptoes on the stairs. They were probably going to get shit for being late, but for some reason, they thought it would be worth it. 

Eren was currently flaunting a perfect view of his ass as he leaned against the window that connected the pool to the receptionist's office, music dwindling and blaring in volume and genres as he played with the system.

"Anyone have a tissue?" Mikasa whispered, voice nasal. 

Levi was somewhere at the edge of the pool, removing lane ropes. Mislead some newbies and effectively drown them? Check. Eren stopped at PSY and started mother-father- gentlemening it down the only walking space.

"Turn it down!" Levi snapped, but Eren payed him no attention. The guy all but bulled his way towards the brunet and he snapped it shut, running for his life. He stood at the other side of the pool (another perfect ass angle for them) and idly snapped the waist of his trunks as he watched Levi work.

"It's four. Where are the kids?"

"Probably jacking off in the showers. I'll show them."

Eren was immune to his words, pacing in boredom as he looked around. He disappeared off into the equipment room, after a second returning with a pair of flippers tucked under his arm. Levi's glare was visible in it's entire intensity from the other side and Eren's crinkle eyed grin was a winner.

"Just a quick swim."

"Yes. Yes. Please." Someone breathed, and Jean shushed them.

"Jaeger." He said firmly.

Someone took notes.

"Please."

" _Professional_."

Eren's eyes flicked around."Please?"

"No."

Eren waited until he'd ducked down again before quickly pulling them on, shuffling his way to the edge lest he tripped. He dove in quickly, winded on his back in a second, and glided along the water in an exceptionally sexy sequence of swim moves. The sight was practically illegal.

"How is that possible?" Jean said under his breath.

"It's just backstroke." Armin mumbled like he knew it all.

"Wow. Bet he knows those moves a bit beyond water."

They all gave Connie a look. He laughed awkwardly. 

Eren made it to the far side in a second, pulling himself out in that really hot 'part of your world' way, back arched, hair flattened down. He shook the water of his hair and pulled the flippers off, putting them back where they belonged before Levi came to kill him.

Then he just stood to the side with a hand on his hip, oozing sexiness without even trying. 

"Any chances of him being gay?" Jean murmured, but shut up at the warning glare Annie shot him. 

"That's enough, you little shits." Levi suddenly bellowed, and they stiffened."Haul your useless asses over here right now."

"Fuck."

" _Fuck_."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dang it I thought those were at least 1k words.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eren and Levi can get severely competitive.

They were so dead, _dead_ was an understatement. They filed to their demise rigidly, Levi neatly hanging the ropes in his hands before rounding the pool and giving them the killer silent treatment.

After a few destructive seconds of stares and Levi's deliberate pacing, he stopped."You," He drawled, Eren eyeing them blankly from a distance."Have managed to piss me off to an un-fucking-believable extent. On the second day, too."

Sasha mentally chanted 'we're in deep shit, shit, shit' to Boss Ass Bitch's tune. It didn't help much.

"We'll have to go deeper, it seems."

They all paled.

Eren had a small smirk playing at his lips when he strutted past."There is no deeper."

"Sh." Levi snapped, clipped, and Eren just shrugged as he stood beside him and leaned his weight onto one side."I'm making a point here."

Mikasa sharply eyed the waistband of his trunks and mentally ordered it to slide down a bit lower. It didn't.

"I'll let it go this time, I'm in a slightly better mood."

Eren rolled his eyes and gave them a lopsided grin. They practically melted all over the floor.

"We'll be starting with some demos today, since you can't use your limbs worth shit. Sit back, have a drink."

Wow, he really _was_ in a good mood.

"Of course, by the end of the lesson, you'll all show me everything you learned to the dot. I'll make you run laps around the very edge if you fail to do so."

Whoops. Did someone say anything?

"So, like, are you guys going to race?" Connie instantly threw in, and Levi sighed.

" _Demo_." He said slowly, like he was dumb.

"You could do a demo race."

They gave each other a look. Eren flicked his wrist downwards."Pfft, It's hardly a fair match."

Levi blinked up at him through his lashes, arms crossed."Jaeger, you will get your ass in the water right now and wait for me to come kick it."

"Dream on." Eren scoffed playfully, walking to the shallow end and throwing a leg into the water, folding his other leg to his chest and resting his arm against it. 

They all exchanged quick high fives, giving Connie a pat on the back.

"Watch and learn, brats." Levi said as he joined Eren at the shallow end, tossing the tight fitting tank top he wore to the side.

Eren grinned up at the raven and said something they couldn't hear.

"What'd he say?" Armin whispered. 

"I think he said abs."Jean replied.

"Can I have them both?" Mikasa squealed under breath, and Annie protested.

"Don't be greedy a bitch."

"Watch it." She narrowed her eyes defensively, but they quickly turned their attention back to the other two lest they missed anything.

"Freestyle." Levi said, and he didn't even need to raise his voice, it was deep and smooth and carried away around the place."Ready?"

"I was _born_ ready."

Levi scrunched his nose up in distaste. They plummeted into the water without warning.

"Woooh!" Sasha cheered, Bertholdt wincing. 

It was unfair how quick, how fluid their motions were. They made learning how to swim seem hopeless all of a sudden.

Eren, cackled and they bickered back and forth, the show off going through multiple positions at once. But Levi was swift, really swift, and it was hard to tell which had the upper hand right now.

"Is it just me, or does Eren have the most perfect round ass in the history of round asses?"

"Careful, Jean, you're homo's showing." Armin quipped playfully, and his cheeks heated up a bit. 

"Almost there."

They'd reached the six meter point, and not once had they stopped.

"Hah!" Eren yelled triumphantly when he beat Levi by an inch. They were super close to the other end and Eren's win was so obvious. 

"Oh no you don't." Suddenly, Levi had planted his hands on Eren's shoulder's and the brunet disappeared underwater with a screech.

"Holy shit, is he drowning him?" Jean breathed.

"Oh my god. What the fuck? Hey, what the shit is-"

Levi was also pulled under without warning, and after a moment they both surfaced again with a loud splash. Eren took one breath and laughed, pushing against Levi's head with his arm as he apparently tried to shove him under again, Levi doing his own thing as he used Eren shoulders as leverage and used his legs to weigh him down.

"I don't think...that's part of the lesson." Armin murmured worriedly.

"I don't think that's _safe_." Bert breathed, just as they stopped going at each other's necks and drifted to the edge. Eren's bangs flattened out and darkened, looking oddly childish and cute as he curled his fingers around the edge and told Levi something. Levi in turn shoved him away, getting out of the water. 

"I had a thought." Sasha whispered."Like, I kind of want to see them on each other more often."

"No!"

"No!"

"No!"

" _No_." Annie whispered darkly as she leaned in close to give her a glare, and Sasha held up her hands in defense. Armin gave her a clap on the hand behind their backs and a look of approval. 


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Quack= code for hottie alert. Sasha is creative.

"The hot tub." Levi mirrored incredulously, eyes narrowing."You think you're at a spa or something?"

"We've been working hard!" Jean burst out, instantly regretting it."I mean, like, just for a few minutes? To...relax?" He trailed off.

"You just wanna doggy paddle, don't you? I hate doggy paddling."

"I don't mind it." Eren threw in, apparently bored from sitting at the edge of the stairway to his post."It is a legit swimming position."

"Didn't ask for your insight."

"They deserve the hot tub, come on, Lev."

They put on their best pretty please faces and rapidly blinked, Mikasa pausing because _Lev_? That's like nicknaming the hostile dog that bites you in the ass on more than one occasion.

Levi sent a glare Eren's way, who also puppy-dog smiled and slipped a curved hand underneath his chin for affect. It was irresistible.

Levi was simply immune.

But hey, it worked. "Ten minutes. Get in there, little shits."

They cheered, fought over the spaces in front of jets, and it took Christa a full minute to get used to the temperature and sink in. 

"Did you clean out the sauna?" Levi inquired when they'd all went limp and quiet in the pool. Momentary, lovely riddance.

Eren blinked, pretended he didn't hear him.

"I told you an hour ago, don't be a shitty brat."

"I don't wannaaaa." Eren grumbled, shoulders slumping."I'm not a janitor."

"Just get all those towels and junk out, didn't ask you to wipe the floors."

Eren rolled his eyes and quirked his upper lip in a sneer. 

"Are you offering to scrub the toilets?"

"Sorry." He blurted, getting up and quickly slipping through the fogged glass of the sauna."I can't brea-" Was cut off by the shut of the door. 

"Hey." Sasha nudged Connie with her foot, who gave her a drowsy and languid look from where he had his arms draped on the edge of the tub."Hottie alert."

"Shh." Armin whispered harshly, glancing at the beige shadow of a figure behind the glass."We have to find a code for that."

"Quack?" Sasha offered seriously, and Armin rolled his eyes."Okay, quack."

"Quack is right." Mikasa droned, leaning against the edge to get a better look."What's he doing in there?"

They all drifted to the closer side and watched intently, adding their own comment here and there. He moved around, dipped and got up again, threw glances here and there. Definitely not sweat bathing. 

"Ten minutes are up." Levi declared just as the sauna door opened, and Sasha's jaw dropped.

"Honk." She said, and Levi gave her a look. She leaned in to her friends to whisper,"That's an intense form of quack."

They didn't blame her. Eren went in sexy lifeguard came out post orgasm, drained porn star. He had a tired frown on his face, chest heaving as he tossed a bin full of crap to the side.

"Why the hell is it so dirty in there?" He grumbled, wiping at his sweaty brow. Which matched the rest of his glistening body, sweat trickling at every curve and crevice of his tan skin.

"I think I just came a little."

"Ditto."

" _Gross_ , guys."

Eren made his way to an irked looking Levi, and it was hard to hear what they were saying lowly from there spot.

"Watch Levi pop a boner."

"The fuck is wrong with you all?!" Jean grumbled, face red."Besides, he doesn't appreciate sex gods much."

"Maybe because he's one of his own?" Mikasa decided to add, and Bertholdt held his breath and plunged his head in the water so he wouldn't have to hear. Ymir covered Christa's ears in annoyance.

"Males are overrated." She said cynically.

"Not these ones."

They drifted their unprovoked attention back to the two, apparently Eren grumbling more about the sauna heat while Levi just grew more annoyed looking by the second.

"Get a towel." He said particularly loudly, and Eren just smiled aggravatingly, ducked and wiped his brow with hem of Levi's tank top. He then blew him a kiss and walked away.

"Guys. I want them. On each other. So fucking badly." Sasha said firmly, ignoring Mikasa and Annie's menacing aura.

"Me too." Armin whined, sheepishly dipping into the water when the glares were directed his way.

"I honestly just want this month to be over." Bert  sighed, and no one approved.

"What part of get the hell out of the fucking water did you not understand?" Levi hissed, and they quickly jumped out. The cold water subdued some boners.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Go, Sasha.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When girls bet and fight...
> 
> Shit can get nasty.
> 
> *will be featuring jealous Levi later on for yoheichou and the baes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *makes flag with Sasha love all over it and waves it into the distance*

"Mikasa." They've been at this for the past half an hour, and it was either going to end really good or really bad. Mikasa ignored the current nuisance that was Sasha Braus, throwing her sweater off without warning. She already wore her bathing suit underneath."Come on, he's so much older and practically illegal-I need your cooperation here."

Annie walked up to them as she was twirling her hair into a messy bun, removing it all away from her face. She stood in front of the wall sized mirror and pinned an elastic headband down with bobby pins. She was just looking for a reason to eavesdrop.

Christa gave them a look, a nervous smile, nervous because god were they trouble makers-and walked past.

"Annie." Sasha drawled, tossing her head back and cracking her gum."You can't be with her on this."

"I'm getting one, most preferably that god given Jaeger booty."

"Woah, woah, a bit too fast there." Mikasa said as she stuffed her things into her bag."Levi's alright, but I'm not seconding Eren to him."

"Dream on. You know the hottest are the gayest." Sasha said deliberately, getting just the right amount of murderous vibes from them. She got up, rocked on her heels, gave them a smirk."We have, how much? Twenty six days left?"

A corner of Annie's lips tugged back, eyes narrowing."You're a sly little bitch after all."

"Geez, _where_ have you been anyway?" Sasha huffs with a roll of her eyes to spite her, quickly sliding the elastic off of her hair, letting it fall down around her shoulders as she shook it out."I think I make a good offer. Twenty six days, one Jaeger booty, three bitches and just _one_ of them is lucky."

"Good luck making _that_ bitch over there even debate liking it."

"Oh he will." Sasha said confidently, and the way they strolled out of the change rooms got them some stares.

"You're late." Levi said, eyebrow quirked in question.

"Sorry." Mikasa chuckled, and Sasha eyed her from her peripheral vision as she slowly chewed her gum."We were discussing a thing or too."

"That's the last time I hear that shitty excuse." He sighed, eyes then drifting to Sasha."Spit it out."

"Yes, sir." She tossed her gum in a trash can in a corner, coming back to take her place in the line. She pulled Armin beside her when no one was looking.

"You okay?" He whispered, and she nodded, eyes on Levi's back as he demonstrated something.

"You gotta help me, Armin. Eren and Levi, remember? I need your help."

"Count me in."

"You're the best."

"Braus." Levi snapped.

"Sorry."

Eren watched them from the side, arms crossed as he stood there and made them eye bleed from all the beauty. Goddamn.

"Mikasa." He then said, and she blinked in question."Get in there and show me just what I explained."

Sasha eyed her like a hawk, inwardly rolling her eyes as she pondered her next step-like girl, it was lame and over used.

She dropped into the water, plummeted deep, and the surface stilled. 

"Really?" Sasha drawled, eyes narrowing. Mikasa was legit staying right under there and Eren wordlessly followed her into the water. "Come _on_." She gritted to herself. If there was one person out of their group who knew how to swim, it was Mikasa. 

Eren pulled her out with an arm around her waist, drifting to the side and letting go when he was sure she had a secure grip. 

"You alright?" Eren asked as he pulled himself out, and she brushed her hair away from her face before nodding a bit. Levi rolled his eyes, lips quirked in a rather childish sneer, and Mikasa shot Sasha a smirk when Eren had turned away.

"Ackerman, what the actual _fuck_ was that?"

She huffed, pulling herself out."Having a bad day." She grumbled, walking back to the line.

"Alright. Here we go again to point zero." He walked to the far end, dropped into the water and they got comfortable and ready."We'll work on speed today. Eren, time me." He called, and Eren went somewhere to grab his phone.

"Anyone who beats my time gets to do whatever the fuck they want for the rest of the lesson. Excluding Eren."

Eren pouted falsely."You ready?"

"Get on with it."

"Go."

He pushed away, dipped his head down and bulled through the water. 

"Haha." Connie said as he watched him swim like he'd walk."This is why he offered in the first place. 'Cuz no one even comes close to beating him."

He reached the other end, finally took a breath, and flipped Armin off when he gave him a friendly 'don't hold you're breath it kills brain cells' reminder.

"Guy's a brat."

"Tell me about it."

"I swear to god if each and every one of you hadn't perfected a single position by the end of the lesson, I'll kick you all out." They stiffened." Get to work."

Sasha drifted to one side of the water, ducked and watched them warily for any open chance. Eren had his feet dangling by Levi's head where he still remained languid in the water, having that almost especially reserved for Levi grin on his face. He put his hand on the raven's jaw and tilted his head back, telling him something as he blinked down into his eyes. It would've been a beautifully intimate moment-and _fuck_ if only Sasha was close enough to run behind them and knock Eren forward- then it would've been perfect and Mikasa and Annie can just go home and pull off the whiney bitches act.

It was obvious that they went back, had some sort of history-hell, they might even be very secretly and subtly together-but that was a bit too much to ask for.

Levi shoved Eren's hands away, ruined the entire moment, and got out of the water. Eren laughed, because he always seems to be entertained by the angry short man, and stares at him somewhere with that dumb grin and Sasha gasps.

"He totally just ogled his wet ass."

"Really?" Connie whispered, and Armin and Sasha high fived."Wait, is this a club? Can I join?"

Sasha snuggled her face into his shaved head."This is why I love you. Let's give it a name."

"Ackerbombastic?" Armin instantly threw in.

"Pfft, Armin. Lame."

"Erevi?"

"Too giving."

"Hm."

"Jaegerman!"

"Ew."

"Can we just continue calling it quack?"

Connie nodded."I agree."

"Let it sail!" Sasha announced, dropping her voice to add,"And let 'em _sink_."

Let the games begin. May the best win.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They're all a bunch of idiots. Including Armin, who has no sense of proper judgement in this fic.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I realize I need to update a lot more often if I'm going to keep the chapters this short.

"Calm down, Sasha." Armin said as his gaze nervously flickered from her, to Annie, to the bag of sour cream 'n onion chips in her hand prone to exploding from her grip at any second.

"Wanna shank 'em." Her eyes narrowed as she ripped it open and tossed one into her mouth. She chewed murderously as she continued her one sided glaring contest with Annie's back, Armin biting his thumb in slight worry. Connie's lack of club Quack passion made him blink in boredom as he watched the display. "They're all slutting out suddenly." She said between gritted teeth, as Annie leaned dangerously close to Eren, bathing suit dripping and her red strapless was revealing way too much boob than Sasha would like.

The only thing keeping Sasha from going up there and bitch slapping her is Eren's completely oblivious and unfazed expression, and instead of ogling her down her bra he just blinked normally and had a slight smile tugging at his lips as she chattered on about something. He wasn't even trying to keep his eyes on her face, they just were, and he was simply and utterly unprovoked.

"That," Sasha drawled, grabbing Connie's chin and yanking his head towards the irksome scene."Is the complete state of being completely gay."

"Dude, yeah..." Armin said.

"He's not even looking at her boobs."

"He doesn't like boobs!"

"Shh." Sasha ordered as the head of the club.

Levi looked up at that moment from where he was guiding Christa through some moves, and his gaze might've considerably darkened."Eren, why the hell are you just standing there like an idiot?"

He gave Levi that fakely meek look, and apologetically strode over to his post.

"Leonhardt." He said more harshly."Two laps around the pool."

She sneered, fixed a loose strand of hair back, and trotted along the slippery tiles. She fixated her eyes on the floor to avoid loosing balance, running in careful footholds. Levi and Eren exchanged an unreadable look after this, but Eren rolled his eyes and turned away in the end while Levi still looked a bit pissed.

"What is this?"

"I don't know."

Bertholdt and Jean have devolped a kinship at this point, as they both suffered from the exact same horror and understood each other when they bitched. So they leaned against an edge together and each longingly watched their girls.

"Wait." Armin said, putting a finger to his chin."Do I smell potential club members?"

Sasha gave him a look, her mouth opened in an amazed 'o', and Connie and Armin followed as she dipped by the two boys after some heavy water walking. Jean gave her one glance before slumping back uncomittedly.

"Hey."

"Hey."

"Eren stealing your love life away?"

Bertholdt looked like he didn't need an urge to break down into tears.

"Well. Then you qualify. You see, club Quack's end mission is the eradication of any possible obstacle in the way of our ultimate ship. Which happens to be our extremely sexy trainer and lifeguard. And it is obvious the girls hold a great threat." Sasha said professionally.

"I didn't know that." Connie whispered, getting a nudge.

"What does your guy on guy cravings have to do with us?" Jean said in annoyance.

"You see, we get rid of them. Then they are all yours. Are you fucking stupid? It's a mutual benefit."

Jean glared in offense, but gave it a contempletive minute. Bert seemed to be debating it as well.

"I don't see the harm in it, I guess." Jean said in the end.

" _I_ do." Bert protested."They can get...severly competitive."

"Whatever, Bert. Come on, imagine their faces if we like, push Eren onto Levi or something." Jean said with a laugh.

"I like your thinking." Sasha said with a grin."Because that is precisely our next short term goal."

"Oh no." The taller breathed, sweat already beading at his forehead.

-

"The plan." Sasha whispered."There's five of us. That means we have five tries. If, we don't succeed the first four times."

"I don't wanna-"

"Sh. I'll go first. Pool tag!" Sasha jumped out of the water, Connie crawling after her. She ran on her toes, finding it hard to keep balance when there were puddles of water everywhere. Levi had his back to her in the distance, arms crossed as he talked to Eren about something. They were supposed to be swimming laps, god help them after all of this.

She reached her destination, false slipped right behind Levi and bumped into him, and the guy was made out of fucking bricks because Sasha's shoulder hurt and all she got was a mere movement of his arm and nothing but.

He didn't have enough time to look back because Connie was crashing into him harder, but he was repelled uselessly, falling forward, and in turn Armin tripped on his leg before fulfilling his mission.

Jean halted just before the damage could reach him, sidestepped the heap and couldn't stop Bertholdt at the last second. It was tactical to keep him in the end, it seemed, because Levi fell forward this time.

Eren blinked in surprise, grabbed him before he fell and the recovery was way too quick.

Shit. Shit.

They just signed their own death wishes.

The time it took Levi to accumulate his menacing aura mere seconds, to them it took decades for him to turn his head around, and Eren had a look of sympathy on his face as he regarded them.

"What in the name of bloody fucking _hell_ was that?"

"Pool tag?" Sasha said sheepishly.

-

Hey, swimming weights _did_ exist. They all had some gazillion tons put on them in a single pair of gloves and anklets, and their laps tripled in distance and torture. Sasha was just about ready to cry halfway.

Levi was pissed.

"I've come down with a few rules as of now, and I'd like to see you _try_ and break them. One. No eye raping the lifeguard, for fuck's sake." They all gave each other, 'who, me?' expressions."That's not your job. I'll kick him out the next time I see someone get distracted like that."

"Is that a compliment? Like, am I that eye rapable?" Eren said, smiling sweetly.

"Don't get cheeky." Levi snapped back."Moving on. No more breaks. It's only an hour an a half, and the instant I _do_ give you a break you get a rare case of amnesia."

They internally grumbled.

"No pool tag." It was punctuated by a groan from Jean down in the pool."Unless you like those weights that much."

"You're dismissed." He said finally, and Sasha cheered."No, not you."

"Fuuuuuuck."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It ain't your job to eye rape the life guard. It's Levi's, yo


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasha suffers from the tension.

"There's something we're not catching here." Armin says decisively, eyes narrowing in concentration. Jean awkwardly pressed up against him from behind to get a full view over his head.

"Tell me about it." Sasha says between her teeth, practically twitching with pressure. She thinks _way_ too much, it was so unhealthy Armin decided she needed some therapy soon. Like, Otp counseling. Does something Like that exist? (Well maybe he'll just have to start it, then.)

She cracks the storage room door open another notch, three eyes peeking out at the super close view for once, the stalked pair standing side by side as Levi barked out instructions, insults and complaints among other things. He worked the rest off in a test of stamina. Levi had asked them to fetch some lane ropes, but here they were, "eye raping" them instead.

Eren yawned, lithely stretching his back a bit."I got no sleep last night."

The conversational, casual and everyday tone were what they were missing. Were they friends? Relatives? Fuck buddies? Jean was quickly put down by that idea.

"Idiot." Levi says with a sigh. He claps his hands to grab attention."Christa, get a move on, no stops!"

"Levi, you're too tough on her."

Levi mimicked it in a mocking tone. Eren slapped his shoulder.

They all covered their mouths in horror, bristling in apprehension to Levi's lethal reaction. But he simply reciprocated the gesture, eyes on the pool as he slapped his shoulder with the back of his hand.

Eren was quick to respond. So was Levi. In a second it turned into some silent smacking ninja war, and Eren laughed in the end and threw an arm around his shoulders. 

"Stop it."They heard it with their own ears, not a growl, not a snarky retort--a little whine, but Eren just buried his nose in his hair and stood there.

Levi shoved him a foot away and Eren slumped in dejection."You're breaking a rule."

"Ugh."

Sasha gave Armin a look. Armin gave Jean a look. Frankly, this was just heaps more confusing.

"Get the fuck out already." Levi hissed, and fuck it, why do they always end up getting caught? 

-

They tried to figure out, on more than one occasion. Made it their top priority club mission to understand just what their relationship status currently was. 

Eren, although open and friendly, was no help when they asked. All he'd respond with is "We go _way_ back." Great. Thanks a lot, not like it's obvious.

Levi just glared them down until they even regretted asking in the first place.

"Guys, I think this calls for a stricter measure." Sasha decided one walk back home, making sure Annie and Mikasa were a good distance away."Do you think we could find them in the men's change rooms?"

"No. That is just...completely against all morals." Jean objected.

"Pfft. Too chicken to see dudes strip? Might trigger your homo further?"

"I'm straight." He said quietly, getting a few 'yeah, sure' looks and sighing."I think."

"What would we see in the change rooms that we wouldn't see in the pool?" Armin asked in all honesty, and Sasha gave him a creepy smile and eyebrow waggle.

"That _is_ a pretty hard question."

"God no, Sasha. Please don't."

A loud laugh from behind cut them off, followed by Mikasa deliberately raising her voice."I did."

"No way."

Sasha rolled her eyes, lips curling in distaste. 

"I asked Eren and he gave me his number. Beat _that_."

"Liar."

"Look, he even took a selfie with me."

"You look like a slut."

"Shut it."

Gray clouds floated over Sasha's head all of a sudden, and Armin cringed as he warily watched her from his peripheral vision.

As soon as Annie and Mikasa disappeared around a corner, Sasha practically stomped with rage."I'm going to kill Eren, that fucking cheater!"

-

They came fifteen minutes early, when the last of the random swimmers were clearing the recreation center and the place was quieting down in emptiness.

And of course, Eren and Levi had to be changed and ready already, and steam pumped out of Sasha's ears in gallons.

They stood by the small sitting area with the pool in display behind a quarter railing of glass, two vending machines and a table for coffee in a corner. They slumped against the edge with their duffle bags, still unspotted by Eren and Levi.

"This works too?" Armin offered.

" _No_. They leave the secret back in the change room."

Jean gave Bertholdt an eye roll.

Levi stood somewhere along the white tiles, scrawling on a clipboard. Eren leaned over his shoulder as they discussed something.

Jean groaned in boredom."I don't see what you see in _that_."

"Go fuck yourself." Sasha retorted.

"Wouldn't it be better if you find some yaoi manga and occupy yourself?"

"Jean." She growled, and he shut up obediently. She turned back and twitched in agitation when she saw them doing that really achingly pretty staring into each other's eyes thing and saying things to each other that she wanted to fucking hear, dammit."Just fucking _kiss_ already."

Eren grinned, eyes fluttering half shut, and her heart stopped when he drew his head down as if listening to her command--

And Levi casually covered his face with a hand and shoved it away, walking towards the wall to hang the clipboard in place."Get changed, little shits."

Eren looked severely exasperated. Sasha was just about ready to bang her head against the wall in frustration.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I guess this is all dramatic irony right now, because I'm 1000% sure you guys got the idea down.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> How to find your OTP grocery shopping together and still not suspect a thing. Also springles brotp

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This fic seriously needs some relocating.

"Heeey!"

"Heeey!"

"No waaay!" Connie drawled with a grin when he bumped into his favorite brunette in Costco's parking lot. 

"What are you doing here?" Sasha asks, waving her parents off and starting her tread across the street.

Connie shrugged."I need underwear." he said in all honestly."Mom's doing groceries, I joined her."

"Same. I'm sort of here for samples, they might have some potato chips. Or just, potato something in general. Think they sample boiled potatoes?"

Connie gave her a look.

"Yeah. I don't think so either." She linked arms with the shorter as they stepped into the store, beginning her daily babble. Connie steered them to the men's section while she simply followed.

"Hey, you don't mind me boxer surfing, do you?"

"Pfft, not like I haven't seen you in boxers before. Come to think of it, I think I've seen you in a diaper before, too, I just...can't remember those early ages." She sighed, Connie going into an aisle.

"What'd you take this morning?"

"I drank pop on an empty stomach."

"Ah." he said, as if that answered all his questions. He got his necessities, and after followed an impatient Sasha because all the good stuff are in the grocery aisles.

"Mm, bear paws." She grabbed a thing of those, sample hunting the next freebie as she stuffed the soft cookie in her mouth."Hm, trail mix? Who wants to try that?" She grabbed a serving of it anyway, skirting another aisle.

She laughed, eyeing the back of a person reading some label."That guy looks so much like Eren it's funny." 

Connie rolled his eyes."Dude, your brain is too Eren and Levi infested." The guy turned a bit to display his profile, and Sasha squealed.

"It _is_ Eren, you twat!" Linking her arm in his again, she skipped to the older brunet's side, a bit stunned and overthrown because surprise, he's wearing clothes. Like, is it weird to say his flannel button up, sleeves rolled up and skinny jean were even sexier than his half naked state? Yeah, that was a bit odd.

"Hi~" Sasha's voice was overflowing with overexcitement, the one exception Connie had seen since potatoes.

Eren idly glanced up, blinked and grinned."Oh, hello! What a coincidence."

"I _know_." Sasha gushed again."I mean, Connie was a coincidence too."

He chuckled a bit, throwing the box in his hand into his shopping cart."It's good to see you two. How's your weekend?"

"I slept for six hours, for once in my life." Connie threw in."Accomplishment unlocked."

"Yeah, I getcha. Sleep's getting rare these days."

"What do you have to do, though? No school, so you've got to have your night all to yourself."

"Well, yeah-" He laughed awkwardly, eyes drifting to the side in an an obvious gesture of an upcoming lie."I do."

Sasha, being the one who loses all brain to mouth filter in excitement, surveyed his cache."Geez, that's a lot of groceries for one person."

"Uh-" Eren looked cornered."Well it is Costco, I mean you can't come out of this place with only two bags."

"Sasha, you're worse when it comes to food." Connie said accusingly.

"True. Yep, true."

Eren's eyes flicked upwards, his smile faltered, and he seemed to be communicating a million things all at once with that expression. He settled for a horrified one, and they turned their heads around to see what it was all about. 

Asides from someone pretty much running like their butt was on fire passed their aisle, all was good. 

They turned back questioningly. "What?"

Eren raised an eyebrow."What?" He mirrored, grinning."There was. Nothing."

"Oh." Sasha said, nodding."Do you have a nothing phobia or something?"

"Sorry." Connie apologized with a roll of his eyes, shaking his head."She had too much caffeine, tends to lose her better judgment."

Eren laughed at this genuinely, brushing his bangs away from his face."Alright, you kids run off. I'll see you soon."

"Bye." Sasha grinned, dragging Connie away by the arm. She bounced down the rest of the corridor, squealing some incoherent bullshit along the way.

"Sasha, slow down, you're going to hit some-" They rounded the aisle, and she barely missed running straight into another man.

"Whoops, sorry-" She said sheepishly, glancing up."Oh."

A very familiarly intimidating face glared down at her, raising a thin eyebrow.

Connie's jaw dropped."Did our class arrange a meeting in here we aren't aware of?"

"What." Levi said, so many _what's_ , and Sasha sighed. 

"I bumped into Connie, we bump into Eren, then we bump into you--what _next_? Do we fall into a swimming pool we haven't noticed earlier?"

Levi rolled his eyes, hand lingering in his pocket."Get out of the way."

"Nice seeing you." Connie said with an underlying hint of sarcasm as the raven walked away.

"I see you shits enough already."

"Wow. Heartwarming."

Sasha watched him with her thumbnail between her teeth."He's beautiful. My ship is truly beautiful."

"He's scary." Connie clipped, grabbing her wrist and dragging her away."Look, chip samples."

Her head snapped forward and she was stalking down the shop again.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sexual tension, is all.

Everyone looked like they were on edge one way or another.

Sasha's frustration, as always, was explainable. The rest of her club as well.

Eren's, however, was not. There was something sharp, tense and sizzling between him and Levi that afternoon, and if they so much as accidentally brush against each other, Levi isn't the only one to flip. 

"Jesus, what is _wrong_ with these two?" Jean grumbled lazily, huffing from his lap.

"I don't know! It doesn't look good, my baes." Sasha whimpered."After everything we've been doing--"

"Maybe it _is_ everything we've been doing." Bertholdt whispered almost in accusation, and Armin slumped, pushing his wet hair away from his face. For the first time in a while, Eren resumed his proper post in the watch tower, Levi circling the pool with a darker aura and god help the one facing his wrath.

Still, it didn't stop them from throwing the occasional glower at each other that seemed to speak a thousand words. And they weren't nice ones, even.

Armin bristled when a harsh grip bunched at the back of his hair."Ow, Sasha, what the fu--"

Sasha blinked at him from in front of him, then froze.

"Continue, why don't you?"

Armin was about to let out an unmanly squeak but somehow restrained it, going rigid in the water. 

"What have you been doing for the past half an hour?"

"P-practicing my positioning, sir!" The 'sir' enforced itself on his tongue, he had no intention to let it go passed.

"This is what you call positioning?" Levi said in a leveled voice, grip tightening."I am so close to kicking all of you out right this fucking instant. Are you here to learn or fulfill your random boners?"

Collective cringes.

"Don't wanna see you dawdling around like brainless morons again." Levi let go of his hair, and Armin breathed slowly as the man got up again and murderously strutted off.

-

Eren humored them, humored them loads and Sasha got even more pissed in another fifteen minutes. Annie and Mikasa were getting physical again, close, and just plain annoying. I mean if the guy's going to be edgy enough to flip out on Levi, flaunting your boobs or talking his ear off about your daily manicure would be pretty fucking ineffectual.  

Still, he smiled, threw a few glowers at Levi every now and then, and Sasha continued staring at the beautiful roundness of his ass and traced the contours with her eyes.  

"Sasha, quit being a creep."

"I wouldn't say that if I were you, Jean. Betch you thought I didn't hear what you were screaming in the showers."

"What are you even--"She gave him a look, and his face ignited, red crept from his neck up his cheeks."No, you got it all wrong."

"Pfft." A roll of her eyes, before her attention was back. She mentally excluded the two sluts from the picture. Then she saw it, and her eyes narrowed."Hey, hey Armin."

She grabbed his arm and pulled him to her side."Take another close look at his ass."

He groaned."Sasha, _please_."

"No, I'm serious." She put a hand on his mushroom head and directed it where she wanted."I think he has a butt tattoo. Or a birthmark, maybe."

Armin was hooked by this, craning his neck to stare at the dark bits peeking just over the elastic of his trunks."That's definitely a tattoo. I don't think it's a butt tattoo, though, it's probably just on his lower back."

"I wanna see it."

"You are _not_ pulling any man's pants down."

Sasha pouted, but Armin was serious. There were lines. That he simply wouldn't let her cross.

Eren slipped a finger underneath the elastic and snapped it, a weird and idle habit he'd accumulated over time. He only covered it up, though.

"Dammit." Sasha quickly began her lap before Levi caught her.

-

"No."

"Yes."

"No."

"Yes." She'd made up her mind, and they were officially screwed. Connie strolled after her casually, Armin tried to wiggle out of her grip, Bertholdt and Jean ran away before she could catch them. Sasha stalked decisively towards the pair, fed up with the entire thing.

Levi huffed tiredly when he saw them, Eren looked up and gave them an equally exhausted look."What is it?"

Armin paled. Sasha straightened up."The truth is," A pause, where she threw glances around and Levi grew more impatient."That the moment I met you two I decided you were both really fucking hot."

Eren grinned in amusement, slightly rolling his eyes."Why thank you."

"So I decided that you two should totally get together."

His smile disappeared, and he threw a glance Levi's way. Even their hard-ass trainer looked pretty caught off guard, met Eren's gaze. The said brunet's lips thinned and something glinted in his eyes.

She continued."But then two little _sluts_ suddenly came around and decided to make this some echi/ shoujo or whatever, and my life was just... destroyed."

Levi gave her an unreadable look."You've earned my full respect, little shit."

"Huh?"

"What?"

"Sasha?"

"When?"

Sasha laughed nervously."You're funny."

Levi's gaze didn't waver.

"Oh." She grinned brightly."I'm, uh, super honored."

Jean protested in the background. Emphasis on _in the background_. 

"And anyway. You guys seem to really hate each other, or maybe just tolerate each other because you have to and it's so fucking hopeless it makes me wanna..." Her face twisted."Cry a fucking _river_." She angrily pulled at her ponytail to fix it."Oh, and we formed a club. Armin and I are the founders. It's dedicated to our OTP, quack. So naturally, we named the club quack."

Armin smiled meekly.

A moment of cricket silence ensued. Like, really dead silence. Sasha decided she fucked up big time.

Then Eren's mouth hung open, as if he wanted to say something. Closed it, then gave Levi another look."But I thought..."

"No, I fucking _told_ you."

It began in a snicker, but soon Eren was sitting on the floor and laughing so hard into his hands that his current state of mind was questioned. Severely. Sasha awkwardly stared around, scratching at her jaw."I think it still works. Maybe he's a psychopath."

Armin shook his head."It doesn't."

Eren recovered soon enough.

"But what's so funny?"

"Well, the thing _is_ \--" He begins through one last chuckle. 

"No." Levi cuts off, folding his arms over his chest.

"You can't _not_ tell them, Lev, come on."

"I said no."

Eren ignored him."We're sort of--"

"We are not--"

"Have been--"

"Have not--"

"Dating for the past--"

"I said shut _up_." Levi seethes. 

"You shut up." Eren grits."We've been dating since, I don't even know." A shrug.

Collective blinks, so noticeably physical that they were almost audible. "Huh?"

"We're a thing."

Sasha's brains= all over walls." _What_?"

Levi rolls his eyes."We. Are. Already." He says, deliberately slow." _Da_ -ting."

"Thanks." Eren offers, but receives a glare instead.

"Wait, wait, I gotta register this." She says, brow furrowed, waving a hand before turning around in a moment of silence. She whips her head back, eyes wide."You're dating?" She slaps her hands to both cheeks."For real?"

"What?" Background effects start.

"Why?"

" _When_?"

"How?"

"Because." Levi snaps."It wasn't necessary to tell."

" _Excuse_ me?" Sasha retorts, suddenly accumulating the courage to stomp up to him and glare him down almost nose to nose."It wasn't necessary? The fuck is your problem? Do you realize just how much pain and tears and mind _fucks_ we put into " _getting you together_ "? And then there's Annie and Mikasa who think it's OKAY to hunt down the " _single_ " lifeguard that isn't single and make our lives a hundred times harder!"

Armin pulls his her away with a cringe, a stream of apologies escaping his lips.

She took a breather, Connie told her to calm the fuck down already, and Levi rolled his eyes and began another silent argument with Eren. 

"It's okay." Eren says."You're okay. We're okay. We're...doing the OTP thing or whatever."

Sasha almost hyperventilated. Then she demanded pictures.

"No."

"Please." A winning grin."Kiss."

Eren leaned in, Levi leaned back, and Sasha just video taped it because they were doing some hardcore shit. Levi just limboed his way back, Eren was a persistent little shit, and in the end he shoved him in the water and jumped in after him. 

Sasha's screams drowned out every previously audible thing in the place and the video when Eren finally managed to grab him with a laugh and kiss him, and Sasha was simply too close to cardiac arrest. It was perfect because they kissed like they swam--professional, competitive and downright smoldering. The sheen of water was just an extra addition that was an absolute killer.

"We did it, guys." Sasha squealed, crushing Connie and Armin in a hug.

"We actually didn't have to do anything." Connie reminded.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm going to deal with Mikasa and Annie next chapter and it's going to be fun. Also I'll explain the tension and stuffs


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yaoi Vs. Het

"Can you _not_ molest my boyfriend? It's making me uncomfortable." Levi grumbled from the side as Sasha paused her Eren snuggle fest to give him a look.

"If I stop snuggling him then I'll snuggle you."

"Stay right there, fucker." He warns, eyes narrowing."If you hadn't made your intentions clear, I would've sabotaged you by now."

Eren gives him a pleading look as she heavily pets his cheek and rubs her chin against his head again. Levi practically bristles, slowing popping his last few fuses."Time's up. I mean it."

"You're jealous, aren't you?" She says with a shit eating grin, finally releasing the brunet. "You owe me for keeping this secret."

"That's it, I payed." He grits, thankfully the chatter of brats coming up from the change rooms a saver."Now go away."

"I'm watching." Sasha said in warning, Levi rolling his eyes in distaste. 

He watched her skip away."Can't believe this. What is wrong with that child?"

Eren laughed." _Everything_." A pause."I kind of want a kid like her."

"In your dreams."

"Can we adopt her?"

"How do we adopt a child with parents?" Levi inquired incredulously, glancing up to fix him with a look.

"Well, we could..." Eren begins, placing a hand on the shorter's waist and pulling him close."Kill her. Parents." He grinned.

"You need sleep." Levi says, looking ahead again.

"Yeah, I do." Eren nods, brow furrowed."Starting to talk funny." 

Levi walked out of his hold to go and yell orders."Stretches, everyone. Kirstein, I'll lock you in the sauna for the rest of the lesson if you continue looking so stoned."

Jean grumbled something akin to an apology and stretched his arms.

"Child, you're too tall, how about you ditch the toe touching so you don't snap in half."

"Sorry." Bertholdt blurted."For being...tall."

"You'd better be." He gave the two girls a brief glance before making his way back to Eren.

Eren had a knowing grin on his face.

"What."

"Quit giving them the stink eye, you know I don't even like girls."

"Not liking girls doesn't make them like you any less." Levi grumbles, folding his arms over his chest. He's aware of Eren giving him _that_ look, the one amused and mean and beautiful and turned on all at once. That one look that's terrifying if Levi didn't know any better.

"Stop staring like that."

"Why?"

"Getting me cranky again."

"Is cranky your definition of severely horny?" Levi sighed when fingers glided down his side.

"Will you let me concentrate." 

Eren was still giving him that half lidded look."Definitely cranky."

"Eren." He huffs finally, gently removing his hand before turning his attention to his class."Alright, pair up and get in the water. Mission is to get your partner under till they forfeit." 

Jaws creaked open.

"Last one alive passes the course. Start."

They moved around awkwardly, deciding to find someone they wouldn't usually pick as a partner.

"Mikasa." Sasha says before she could grab Annie, the said ravenette turning towards her."Mine."

Annie rolls her eyes, putting a hand on a pale arm."Taken."

Eren watched in amusement.

Sasha cocked a hip and flipped her hair haughtily."Which one of us wants to drown her more badly again?"

Mikasa suddenly smirks."You ask for too much, Braus."

"If only you knew." She says with a mock sigh as Mikasa made her way over to her, sparing Annie a glance."You're next."

"You _wish_." The blond turned around and hooked an arm with Bertholdt's, heat instantly reaching the tip of his ears.

Bertholdt would never so much as lay a hand on her. That was too easy of a win, Sasha decided.

She didn't get any warning when she was shoved straight into the pool, Mikasa practically pouncing on her like a cat."We started, didn't we?"

Sasha gulped a breath and planted her hands around her shoulders to stay steady."You _bitch_."

"Can I keep her?" Eren grumbles sullenly, and Levi shakes his head.

"If she had no parents and no means of survival except for us, if her life depends on an adoption, then even _then_ I would never consider it."

"Why not, you cold hearted bastard?" Eren mumbles, wrapping his arms around his smaller frame, seeing as everyone else was busy killing each other.

"Because _lots_. How awkward it is for a child to ever agree with her parents get together? Did _you_ ever think your mom and dad were a great couple?"

"Gross."

"Exactly."

The brunet sighs into his hair, dips a little to kiss the spot behind his ear. Levi gets crankier and more conflicted.

"You have the worst timing to get affectionate."

"So what, they know. Most of them, anyway." Eren cracked one eye open to survey the pool, wondering if he caught anyone's attention yet. Blondie with a bun drifted to the edge as she mercilessly pushed the taller down with her legs, huffing a breathe. She looked up, and Eren pretended she hadn't. He only presses a kiss to the corner of Levi's unhappy lips, demanding immediate attention.

Levi tilts his head towards him, murmuring a whiny 'fuck you' against his lips, making him chuckle a little.

Eren's eyes drift back up, and he pointedly held her dumbstruck gaze for a moment, before pushing down against a supple mouth he was so used to. Levi didn't protest at this point, no one other than Annie had noticed--and she was doing pretty fucking good with dealing with it.

Levi had PDA phobia or something, Eren had realized long ago."They're--" He slipped in between kisses."Watching."

"Exactly." The brunet grinned.

"For the love of--" It wasn't Eren that cut him off this time. A cackle from the pool, screaming, every single one of them shouting and screaming.

"Break them up!"

"Get out of the damn thing first, Jesus."

They visibly bobbed along the water from a distance, a blur of dark hair and fists against cheeks; sharp and stinging slaps. The weren't simply drowning each other anymore--they both had real intention to _kill_ , and a few were scrambling out of the water, others trying to break them up.

"Well, shit." Eren concludes before jumping into the pool. He nearly was caught in between, had to physically restrain them from reaching each other." _Girls_." He breathed incredulously, eyes flickering from Mikasa, shaking her hair out of her face, to Sasha; eyes flashing as she spit a thing of blood into the water.

-

They sat rigidly beside each other in the empty staff lounge, not bothering to make a move with Levi bearing them down with his gaze. Eren sat a small distance away on the leather couch, in a t shirt and sweats.

"I'm waiting." Levi finally says, crossing his arms over his chest.

Sasha exhales through her nose."She started it."

"Don't you fucking--"

"Don't _you_ fucking--"

"For fuck's sake, grow up already." Levi snaps in annoyance, and they continue sharply glaring at each other from the corners of their eyes."Explain."

" _Well,_ " Sasha begins again."Apparently laughing's a crime now, according to this little bitch."

"There's a difference between _laughing_ and laughing _at_ someone." Mikasa shoots backs.

"Not my fault your sensitive as fuck." She says with a roll of her eyes."Haven't you seen guys kiss before? The matter with you?"

Mikasa pauses, lips thinning as her eyes drifted towards the two men.

Eren scratched at his jaw as his eyes flitted around in an ' _I didn't do anything_ ' manner. 

"You said you weren't--" She seethes, and Eren raises his hands up defensively.

"No one asked."

"You're a _jerk_." Mikasa's suddenly on her feet, lips curved in a sneer. She stormed out, not before throwing her towel in the brunet's face. 

Levi idly watched her leave, sighing and falling back against the couch beside Eren. A pause.

Sasha squealed out of nowhere, jumping the small space between them and snuggling them individually. 

Eren let her be, Levi simply couldn't squirm out of her hold. 

"Mm." She hums, petting raven locks."Your hair's so soft. Betcha Eren has a fun time mussing it up."

Levi glares up at her, and Eren laughs while she simply smiles down at him, unfazed. It was probably best that he'd dismissed the rest before this."What's your issue?"

"I don't have one." She says jovially."I'm happy. My life is fulfilled, is all."

She continued sniffing his hair and petting his cheek, grumbling something about his slight stubble while Eren continues cracking up.

Levi sighs."I liked you a _lot_ better when I was able to scare you."

"Haha, forget it. You're like the spider I squish and pass by, splattered on the floor. I mean, with your occasional frightening twitch."

Eren drapes himself over the couch's armrest and dies laughing.

"What kind of a fucking analogy is that?" Levi says indignantly, producing a vain attempt of shoving her off. 

"I take creative writing." She says proudly."My teacher likes me."

"Can you get off of me already? I do have a life to tend to, you know."

"Oh yeah." She snickers, crawling off of him."There's an unbruised Eren to bruise."

Eren coughs awkwardly into his hand, Levi runs his hands through his hair in exasperation. She stands in front of them and hums in thought."Come to think of it, is that why you've been super cranky lately? Not being able to..." She grins, waggling her eyebrows."Mar this perfect skin?"

"Get out."

"I think Eren appreciates marring. Do you, Eren, hm? You seem like a bit of a masochist. Oh yeah, I meant to ask, who tops?" She taps a finger to her chin thoughtfully, deciding to eenie meenie miney mo her choice.

Eren slinks into the couch and covers his face with his hands.

"Go home." Levi says with a sigh."You had to go home literally twenty minutes ago."

"Oh yeah." She grabs her discarded towel, throws it over her shoulders and skips to the door."See ya!"

Levi takes a breath with the shut of the door."You still wanna adopt her?" he scoffs. 

"Course." Eren grins."She's almost like, a mini Hanji."

"I have one too many Hanji's in my life."

Eren makes a 'whatever' noise at the back of his throat, grabbing him in a relentless hold and inhaling the back of his head.

"Don't do that."

"Hey, how about we have sex? Chlorine smelling sex is always nice."

"We have a job to do."

"Please."

"Your shift starts in ten minutes."

"Quickie."

"You don't come that fast."

"I'll try."

"Get back in your pretty shorts."

Eren groans, biting his nape in frustration before obliging. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Now I wanna write a sequel with daughter! Sasha or something ...XD


End file.
